hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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