how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
