So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
