Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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