Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize