It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
