You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My breasts were aching with rage.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
