after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
