My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
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that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
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If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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