It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
