we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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