Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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