i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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