I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
