Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
