Sponge bath it is.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
