he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
