Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
