Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
