Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
