don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
