what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
