why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We got so high we made milksteak
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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