Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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