Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
