If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
