Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
