Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
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They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
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I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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