Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
