is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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