That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
