Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Nobody cheats on THIS.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
