So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
