Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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