I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
