Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
