well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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