I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
When are your genitals available?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
