For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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