you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My dad is sitting where you rode me
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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