You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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