You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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