Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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