i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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