The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
