yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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