just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
