I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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