i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
is wine microwaveable?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
