some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Randomize
