What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Your penis caused this!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
