god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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