I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
