guys are not supposed to queef...right?
The best revenge is premature balding
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
You dont lie about slip and slides
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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