no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
