I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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