Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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