I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
