when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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