Plan B is the new Plan A
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
