My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
