It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
