If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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