bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
