She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
