true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
