I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
