the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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