so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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