so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
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