i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
