he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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