Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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