There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
