i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
