I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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