I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize